Yes, I know! It has been such a LONG time since I have posted, but I am here now! That is progress ;-). Anyway, here is the thought I wanted to share today:
A few months ago, I had a down moment where everything felt like failure. I was plainly frustrated with life. As I do in my other emotional teen breakdowns----I clenched my fists, screamed in a nearby pillow, and stormed up to my room in tears, leaving my parents downstairs to nod their heads and say, "Just give her a moment."
Crunched in a ball behind my bed, I wiped the streaming tears off my red cheeks and cried over impractical lies about myself. (I tend to believe that we always have this distraught moment where we feel like nothing; this was mine.) It took me a long time to gather the right thoughts and settle my salty tears from streaming. As I tenderly sniffed and wiped another spreading tear with my fingertips, I had a thought to pray. So I acted.
Mouthing aloud words through my scratchy and airy voice felt almost...soothing. It wasn't a formal prayer, but it was a call to God and that felt like enough. I simply talked to Him in whispers, telling Him what I felt and begging Him for help. With an urge to receive an answer that I so desperately needed, I reached under my bed and grabbed my binder which, on the cover, says, "ROOTED IN CHRIST". I opened it timidly and took the black ink pen from the band. As I pushed the clicker with my thumb, words flooded through my mind. In fast, cursive scribbles, I etched these beautiful words:
"I have placed you here for a reason. You are my chosen daughter and have something GREAT to accomplish. Though times may be rough, thoughts hard, and roads unpolished, I trust you to do it. I'm proud of you already for what you're doing and what you're saying. You've already gone so far and have yet to go farther. I know you are trying and yearning to do more---to find better causes and help more people. You'll do it. All of it. And when you look back at where you went and what you did, you'll be proud. Just remember, I'll be there with you always as you carry the good in your heart. Be strong!
Love, God"
This solved my heartache and I felt overcoming peace. After wiping the tears stains off the paper, I closed the binder and stood on my feet. I had received an answer. It was like I had written to God and he had written back to me.
Even months after that beautiful moment, I read that letter. In all my down-moments and teen-tantrums, I first pray, then listen, and write. It wasn't until a few weeks ago when I found this quote by C.S. Lewis, which is now one of my favorites and matches up to what I would say:
"Whenever you are fed up with life, start writing: ink is the great cure for all human ills, as I have found out long ago."
So, when you are in a down moment, remember God loves you. If you have the chance to lift your groggily voice and cry out to Him, do it! He is waiting for your letter, so He can return his. Then, just start writing. Write what you feel and what you hear from the inner crannies of your soul. Even if it is just a let out of your emotions, do it! Afterwards, you will feel carefree and hyper to continue on this challenging journey of life. Yes, it is challenging and we all have our moments! You will be given a hope and courage that will set your chin a little higher so you can look up and thank the God who let you live!
I hope this inspires you!
Makenzie Monson <3
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