Six Days of Gratitude Amidst Impossible Adversity

"Does gratitude spare us from sorrow, sadness, grief, and pain? No, but it does soothe our feelings. It provides us with a greater perspective on the very purpose and joy of life." - Russell M. Nelson

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Dear Friends,

Taking forward steps through 2024 has been colossal with emotions, relapses, grief, despair, and sorrow and has challenged my faith tenfold. I never would have imagined living my seventeenth year with a broken brain, using a four-wheeled walker, facing post-traumatic stress disorder attacks each day, needing help to complete most functional daily tasks like showering and navigating the house, losing grasp on my mind, and more. It was certainly not my plan to be refined and broken like this, but if not mine, then it must be the Lord’s only perfect way for me to grow and bloom right now  So I trust.

At this mark in adversity, I’ve been inspired by friends and family to take on the gratitude challenge President Russell M Nelson invited the world to participate in during the wearying events of 2020. For 7 days, I‘m going to post something I’m grateful for in my trial. I need this and I know we all need it too   So thus, we begin!

DAY ONE — I am grateful for my Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ who loves me unconditionally to have prepared the way before me so I may be be perfected, forgiven, and renewed to live with my Father in Heaven again someday. Jesus is my HOPE, my LIGHT, my WORD, my SHEPHERD, my COMFORTER, my ADVOCATE, my LIFE, and everything I need in my darkest hours. When I crumble beneath the weight of physical pain, or fall under the storm of spiritual warfare, Christ is there to catch me as I sink and lift me back to walk with me on my stormy waters.  My Lord Jesus is the reason I keep going, and the reason I am willing to suffer the “trial of my faith,” because I love and honor Him so much. I am still learning to trust in Him, as we all are, but even as I learn to lean deeper and deeper into His love and light, in my temporary brokenness, I am GRATEFUL that He comforts me still and reminds me who I am and where my dreams really lie   Jesus brings my life to glory, even when I feel it has come to ashes, and that brings more gratitude to my spirit than I can ever express.

“That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ: whom having not seen, you love; in whom, though now you see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory: receiving the end of your faith, even to the salvation of your souls ” (1 Peter 1:7-9)

DAY 2 — The prompting of gratitude that brings me here today is my adoration and inexpressible thankfulness for ANGELS, not only those beyond the veil who we cannot always see, but those mortal angels we converse with or message face-to-face each and every day   As I’ve conquered every tidal wave that has hurled towards me on my journey of severe brain injury recovery, I have been blessed to see the tender mercies of God in my life through so many beautiful people who exemplify pure virtue and love as messengers & ministers of God to help me in my healing. In my darkest, most frightening moments, even those close when I feel close to death, angels have been with me—whether it’s my mom beside my bed during my brain tremors, Caspian on my lap during my night terrors, a sister in Christ through a text at a needed time, my dad combing my hair in my “brain mush”, a tender miracle email from one of my most beloved friends and family, an inspirational affirmation from my brothers, a lift under my shoulders from my ancestors, or a bouquet of flowers on our doorstep from a giving relative—and I begin to slowly trace back to my footprints, boulders, and puddles and realize I have not been walking my trial entirely alone.

Many seek to believe angels come to find us with a flight on heavenly wings, others believe they appear as ordinary journeymen; some believe they’re etched only in our hearts, and others reverence their visits alone in dusty ancient records, but I believe angels are among us every day in every way, intervening as beautiful mortal messengers with wings of faith and compassion to cradle us as we stifle our sobs, rattle our jaws with the needed medicine of laughter, clean up our messes with their spiritual brooms, guide us to the right inn when we’ve lost our way, and bless us while we wallow in our grief. My angels are everywhere, including countless numbers over my head and at my feet day and night to guide me where I need to go, even those holding my hand and supporting me beside me in word and prayer, and for every one I am grateful to tears today   In my agonizing hours, I am blessed for my angels! We all need them, we all have an errand to be one, and I hope today we’ll treasure those angels we know are always there beside us as we make our way back to Father’s throne.

Thank YOU for being one of my angels, as unexpected and colossal the task may be ;))

Today is gratitude combo day, since yesterday brought my brain into deeper mental struggle that delayed me from being able to post here. But alas, I am so grateful to celebrate this day with another sparkle of praise and thanksgiving even in the delay.

DAY 3 & 4— GRATEFUL FOR ART & MUSIC

Yesterday had me looming over the special thought and deep appreciation for ART in my life this year as I had the chance to sit down to sketch and paint new ideas and creations onto handmade paper while listening to a beautiful arrangement of whimsical classical music. Art has always been one of my most adored passions and gifts, including the art of drawing, dreaming, storytelling, collecting, writing, singing, piano, watercolor, paper work, lettering, card making, embroidery, and more! I always tell my closest friends that I’m quite an artsy fartsy disaster of depths and colors, which makes me very complex  but creating is where I grow confidence and testimony! Creating, or taking part in other creators’ work brings light and splendor to each passing day, opening my eyes to the realization that we are each equal sons and daughters of God, who is the master Creator.

During my injury, the few things that have really rested my spirits and mind in times of stress and grief have always been music, writing, and art. Nearly a week after my accident when my brain was drastically declining, I started creating my own “Calming Soul” instrumental playlist that brings peace and heaven amidst my throbs of discomfort and anxiety, and it has continued to heal me in so many ways to simply rest and listen to music that heals my spirits every day   A few years ago, one of my exemplary & artsy sisters in Christ shared the BYUtv show “ARTFUL” with me; an inspiring show dedicated to sharing the stories, processes, and testimonies of countless renowned LDS artists around the world including Walter Rane, Greg Olson, Paige Anderson, and others! I have found deep inspiration in each episode as I begin to realize that we are all creators with our own passions and gifts as we follow in the footsteps of our Lord and Father in Heaven who created our infinite, immaculate universe and mortal home in the very beginning   It is a blessing and privilege to know we are gifted with purpose, talents, and spiritual capacities that enable us to rise each day to become like our Father and be perfected in Him  Not all of us find relief when painting with a paintbrush, performing in a piano concert, baking in the kitchen, woodworking in the garage, fishing on the lake, or gardening in the soil, but together, we each belong in the great orchestra of the Lord with our own harmonies, and that’s what makes life so exciting, so miraculous, and so worth it even in our trials. Even when I feel I don’t have purpose in my trial or am unworthy, I find rest in knowing the Lord is pleased with my efforts and loves me for my intentions and hope in following His footsteps, and that is enough   So I hope today, we will appreciate what it is we create, what our brothers and sisters create, and bask even more in the gratitude of what the Master created for each of us in the beginning for our lives   Celestial creativity is a marvelous work!!

TO PONDER: What do you love to create? What enables you to find spiritual & physical rest and healing? Who has inspired you in your journey to become a disciple of Jesus by using your gifts to create?

DAY 5 -- Goodness, these past few days have given me an open view to difficulty some can’t mindfully conceive unless entwined in the plight of grueling trial. After both the complexity and renewal of the weekend, I am grateful to be honest and express that I’ve been greatly challenged in my vigor to discover gratitude. Surely, in my quest to achieve this discovery, I’ve found that finding gratitude isn’t as easy as it seems, especially when we’re entangled in the struggle of colossal tribulation and testing; when the invisible blanket between the world and us is miserably thick enough. I have delayed my posts in hopes to wrestle a little more deeply to find the radiance of blessings this weekend as I sift through the gold of gratitude, but now feel the yearning to sprinkle your day with lighted knowledge that even as we struggle to rejoice when our hearts are hurting, our feet are sore, our tears are plenty, and our worries are heavy, God gives us grace to be thankful in the littlest things we may not even realize that keep us believing in brighter days ahead. As I’ve struggled in the dips and turns of the weekend, I’ve risen from my dark moments in thanksgiving for those many beautiful things that put flight to my faith in my most real, and most immaculate God who has a fabulous plan for me and who trusts me infinitely to put me through this grueling refiners fire so I may mold into something ultimately, splendidly magnificent and be prepared to fulfill my great work ahead for him.

Dear friends, life is an ineffable, beautiful, splendid, seraphic, and wondrously virtuous thing, but that’s often not what it seems amidst warfare and trial. You are not alone in your heartaches, worries, or discouragements. None of us are perfect or has the magical recipe to getting through torturous trials, especially with a thick veil between us and the presence of our Father. Each of us are broken in some way, weak in some season, and exhausted in some place, but the Lord so mercifully gives us grace and second chances by providing little nooks of rest and comfort along our way. Even when we doubt, compare, or struggle, He never lets us fail, but rather allows us, through His atonement, to find new beginnings each and every moment and learn again and again to lean in to His purpose, and let go of our grief. Gratitude is so difficult to keep when darkness surrounds us, but that’s what makes it so worth finding   Let us be thankful today that God has given us GRACE, PURPOSE, and many chances!! We are truly never alone, and never allowed to fail.

"Hold on. Hope on. Fan the flame of your faith, for nothing is impossible to them that believe.” -Jeffery R Holland

DAY 6.

Amidst the turmoil of my trial battling physical, emotional, and mental illness in severe brain injury, God has placed a garden of flowers in my walk of suffering that continue to inspire me when I feel desperately exhausted, broken, and alone in my pains; and for this I am grateful  Today, the fragrant, renewing flower of love I needed came through a Facebook post by the church, which pierced my lowly soul with the splendid words, “ME TOO,” when I was ready to break from my frustrated wounds. The God I thought had neglected me today, so mercifully gifted me this encouraging bloom of hope and comfort to remind me I am not entirely alone in the misery of refinement, and that my plan, dream, and purpose is not lost, and surely, not over. I was reminded that the Lord does not forsaken us, but loves us enough to make us stronger than we are through the “growing pains of trial.”  Though I feel my dreams are lost, my future is disturbed, and my present is unbearable, the Lord gave me comfort in the hope that this may just be my beginning of my story   That others are in this, too.

On these uncharted waters of chronic pain and injury that often leave me at the precipice of giving up, I am grateful for the garden of love and comfort I behold inch by inch along my path from the most compassionate Lord each day, like the one I happened upon this afternoon that assured my breaking soul with the words, “Me Too."

How I love my Jesus!!

And oh! How He adores me!

xo.

Makenzie Monson