“Remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go. You are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be.”
Dearest Friends,
Today is my brain injury anniversary date. January 19th, 2023 marked the beginning of my indescribable journey of conquering the uncharted depths of illness and suffering following my traumatic brain injury accident. My heart and mind are swollen with so many whirlwinds of feelings and thoughts as I contemplate what I’ve been through and where I’m standing just a year later from the night I slammed the back of my head into the solid ballroom floor and was rushed to the hospital. I puzzle over how my life, and the lives of all those who know me, has changed so drastically, tearing so many of our hearts and spirits as we’ve been plunged into the tempests of hourly survival. The emotion inside of me is so overwhelming, churned with both the grasp of complete terror, uncertainty, and grief, and that of complete joy, praise, and reverence. Even though you’d expect all my watery tears to be dried up by now, they are falling again as I’m crouched and praying in heartbreak and praise for my survival of one year post-accident today, quite unsure of life’s timeline and the reason behind my physical tempest, wondering how to take it all in without spilling in weakness. I neither knew such pain and tribulation could exist in my life, nor what sacredness could so miraculously follow wrenching misery, yet here I am feeling all of it today in reflection of my year, realizing how the reality of mortal tests and trials pull so many of God’s beautiful children into the refining fires of Hell to grow. I understand now that life not easy, it is not ecstasy, it is not a picnic story, but somewhere and somehow it’s always worth it in the end, even if we doubt it in the beginning 🤍
I want to dedicate this post and my words (only formed through Christ, Himself) to each of you today, who have supported me so charitably this first year of my traumatic brain injury recovery. You all mean so much to me and have saved my life over and over again through your prayers, love, kindness, emails, thoughts, and support. Thank you for believing in me, even when I often cannot believe in myself with a malfunctioning brain and hurting heart. You give me the courage to continue to persevere, even in the uncertainties, and I am truly blessed and completely grateful beyond words. So many of you have inspired my life with your exemplary and celestial faith and I cannot express my deepest love! How I need it!! As much as I’d love to scribe a novel for you here, however, with my chronic fatigue, post-traumatic stress disorder, chronic pain, drastic migraines, nausea, and depression looming heavier about me this month, I wanted to fill this anniversary post with one of my written poems that has supported and held me in my darkest hours of complete torture & despair. While I am still fighting this battle to conquer my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual challenges that have come with my injury, knowing it is not the end, I have hope that every tear, pain, and terror attack will all be worth it, because of my Advocate and Comforter who suffered all this and more. As hurt and grievous and frustrated as I often am in this fight towards physical and emotional healing, I believe and thrive in the tender mercies and miracles God has given me, trusting that there is a purpose behind my every pain, even when I cannot yet comprehend what it is. I hope that through this poem, and my little words at this time, that you will find peace in your tribulations and understand that you are not alone. Christ is walking with us, and He sends his angels to guard and bless us, head to toe. I grieve with you in your heartaches and ever pray that someday soon, the Lord will bless us for our trust in the refining and waiting, as excruciating as it is. Until then, may we continue to rise in Him and rejoice in how far we’ve come. For it was Jesus the Christ that suffered first, so through His atoned blood and life, we could one day reach our dreams of healing, love, and life in the glorious heights with Him in celestial eternity and on.
It is my prayer, that Christ will cradle us in our storms for another year ✨🙏🏻❤️🩹
xo
Makenzie
“Cradle me, Jesus,
Close to your heart.
Hold me so tightly,
So we never part.
Think of me Jesus,
Kindly and dear.
Cradle me, Savior
So I feel you near.
Dear, loving Savior,
Lift me to thee
So I feel your presence
And kneel at your feet.
Heal me, my Jesus.
Take all my pain
Free me from trial
And I’ll never complain.
Laugh with me, Jesus.
Grin with me, Lord.
Angels will chorus
And sing with accord.
I love you Jesus.
You love me too.
So cradle me closer
And I’ll stay with you.”
(Cradle Me Jesus, by Makenzie Monson)
Your writings are reflective of Eliza R Snow. We pray for you often and pray you can use all the talents the Lord has given you.
I was thinking of you the whole day on Jan 19. It’s been one whole year without seeing and embracing my dear granddaughter and Yet you continue to inspire and uplift us all with your faith and your beauty
You strength and faith are amazing to see Makenzie. I pray alongside you, that our Lord will keep provide strength on this journey. And that complete healing is further down the road, but it's still here.