The Feeling That Makes It All REAL

IT'S HIM. THE LORD I CANNOT SEE, YET I CAN FEEL, IS HE.

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It was nearly a month ago, when I sat in front of our family room mantel on a snowy, April day, watching blue and crimson flames dash before me. The illuminating light was so beautiful as it viciously devoured the wood beneath it until the ashes floated gracefully up through the chimney as glowing, orange flecks. Sitting there in the cold darkness of the spacious room with my hands extended before me, I could feel the sting of the heat itch my palms and scarf my freckled cheeks. As my blue eyes glimmered with the reflection of the orange light before me, I tried to fathom how the crimson flames produced so much heat. The tingling warmth I was feeling so intensely was purely invisible. Though unseen, I knew it was there--real in fact--because I could feel it pouring over my body, stinging my cheeks, fingertips, and toes, even until I had to pull back to let my skin cool from the burn. I could easily see the dancing fire, but until I felt its accompanying warmth, I wouldn't have realized how existent it could become.

After contemplating this experience even more, I started to realize the intricate symbolism the fire plays in my life. In my testimony. To me, the gargling heat in my spiritual testimony is what enables me to trust in the flames, who is the presently invisible, yet real God.

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Ever since I was a small, yellow-haired, pig-tailed girl, I've been able to feel something so resonant and whole within me, which has had the ability to rummage within the knicks and crannies of my soul, iron my weaknesses, and tie me back to the flame, who is Jesus Christ. The feeling is a voice to me, but its lips instead speak by clenching warmth in my bosom and humming pulses in my heart. Often becoming so overcoming, I have to scratch my knuckles against my chest to keep soul from bursting. Its empowering movement draws my soul to the pirouetting flames of the Master, to where I'm not afraid to die if I were to. It is so real, so moving, that I undoubtedly know that Christ is real. I feel nothing until I feel Him.

Often, however many times I've felt the "feeling", I have doubts. Sitting in front of that fire, I wondered, "Is God actually REAL?" But then I immediately retire to the previous moments when I felt Him and knew Him every day. Those moments when that overcoming pulse in my soul pulls me towards Him as He sends me angels, performs mighty miracles, increases my faith, sharpens my confidence, shares His mercy, and so graciously stands beside me day by day. In that moment, I KNOW He is there, real, just as everything else I can see, touch, and hear.

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When you ask yourself, who is God if I can't feel Him? Who is God if I can't see Him? Who is God if I can't physically speak to Him? Do I even know if God is real? ask yourself instead when you've felt Him. His illuminating light will work a flame of faith in your heart, iron your weaknesses, and tie you back to the Lord, just as it has with me.

I hope you will come to realize that God is real. That, even in the dark, cold world around us, we can witness and bask before those stunning flames and sparks in our fireplaces and feel the heat of the Spirit. Open your soul to the voice of the Lord. Learn His language and use it to enlighten your faith. One day, very soon, you and I will bow down at the Savior's feet, wash them with our tears, and faithfully proclaim, "Lord, I believe."

See Him if you will.

Touch Him if you must.

But, my Lord and Savior,

In Him I trust.

Makenzie Monson